Lawyer Jokes

A pipe burst in a lawyer’s house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.

The lawyer exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a lawyer!.”

The plumber quietly replied, “Neither did I, when I was a lawyer.”

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car
came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was
complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”,
he whined.

“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!”
retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid
BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was
ripped off!!!”

“Oh my gaaaad…”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the
bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.

“Where’s my Rolex???!!!!”

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200.00/hr., she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?

An architect, a painter and a lawyer were all sitting in a bar arguing over whose dog was the smartest.

The architect says, “My dog has to be the smartest. Watch… go to it Spot.”

The dog then proceeds to design and build a perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower.

“Good Boy, Spot!” the architect tells his dog, and hands him a cookie.

“That’s nothing,” scoffs the painter. “Watch this… Hit it Rover.”

Rover then makes and exact replica of the Mona Lisa, as well as Whistler’s Mother.

“Good Boy, Rover!” the painter says has he tosses the dog a cookie.

“Ha! My dog does so much better!” laughs the lawyer. “Watch this… Hop to it Dog.”

The lawyer’s dog then proceeds to fuck the other two dogs, takes their cookies and goes out to lunch.

See there was these three guys in a strip joint.

There was a lawyer, policeman, and a banker.

There was a lady dancing in front of them.

So the lawyer said ” Watch this!” He grabbed a 20 dollar bill and licked it and put it on her left butt cheek and she started to dance for him.

So the policeman said “No watch this!” He grabbed a 50 dollar bill and licked it and put it on her left butt cheek and she started to dance for him.

And the banker said, “That is kid stuff, watch this!” He grabbed his ATM card and put it between her butt cheeks and grabbed the 70 dollars and walked out!!