Little Johnny Jokes

Realizing that their home just wasn’t big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny’s parents discussed moving to a bigger one.

Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then added, “It’s no use. He’ll just follow us anyway.”

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Patrick?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.

“Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked: “Dad, can I get the bike now?”

The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.”

A week late the father saw Johnny walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

“Where are you going Johnny?” the father asked.

“Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said, ‘Wait, I am coming too!’ and DAMN if I’ll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

Little Jonny goes up to his Dad and says, “Dad, can I have $5 to go to the football game”? His dad screams, “FIVE BUCKS! When I was a boy, I use to go down to the game and drill a hole in the fence and watch through the hole!”

So little Jonny goes down to the game and drills a hole in the fence, and just at that moment a guy sticks his dick through the hole for a leak. Jonny grabs it and says, “Throw $20 over the fence or I’ll cut it off”! So over comes $20.

So Jonny goes home and tells his little brother Tommy. They both return to the football the next day and Jonny says, “Right Tommy, You go round the other side of the ground and drill a hole, and I’ll do this side and we’ll meet up after the game and se how much we make”.

So they meet up after the game and Jonny says, “Well Tommy, I made $250, how much did you make?”

And Tommy says, “$5″.

Jonny says, “A lousy $5?”

And Tommy says, “I’ve got a pocket full of pricks!”

A teacher once stood up and said to her class, “Anyone who thinks that they are stupid, please stand up.” No one stood up for a few seconds and then in the back of the room, little Jimmy rose. “Jimmy, why do you think you are stupid?” The teacher asked. Jimmy quickly replied, “Oh I don’t think that, I just didn’t want you standing up there by yourself!”