Little Johnny Jokes

There was this little boy named Johnny and Johnny was in Kindergarten.

One day, Johnny was in the back of the class room when his teacher noticed him scratching frantically at his privates.

“Johnny, what’s wrong?” his teacher asked.

“It itches” Johnny said.

“Well, go to the office and have the secretary call your Mommy” the teacher said.

Johnny called his mom and a few minutes later the teacher noticed that Johnny was back in the class room and scratching harder than ever. Only this time, Johnny had his penis out of his pants.

” Johnny!” screamed the teacher, What are you doing?”

“Well,” said Johnny,” My Mommy said that she would pick me up at the end of the day if I would just STICK IT OUT”.

One day a teacher was doing an activity with her students in 3rd grade to figure out if they will think or not. So she goes in the corner and says, “I am holding something orange and round.” A kid then put up his hand and said, “It’s an orange.”

“No,” said the teacher, “but it shows that you were thinking.”

Then the teacher said, “Now I am holding something red and round.”

“It’s an apple,” said a student.

“No,” said the teacher, “It’s a cherry, but it show that you were thinking.” Then she asked if any students wanted to try.

Everyone in the class put up their hand and the teacher picked little Johnny. He went in the corner and said, “I’m holding something about an inch long with a reddish point on the top.”

The teacher said, “Johnny that is disgusting! You stop that right away.”

Johnny said, “Actually it’s a match, but it shows you were thinking.”

Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now go and think about this and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed to have a think about what dad said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs into his room only to find that his nappies are very mucky. He then runs off to his parents’ room. His mom is sound asleep, so not wanting to wake her he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the key-hole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy approaches his father and says, “Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.”

“Good, son, now tell me in your own words what politics is.”

Little Johnny replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the Government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”

Little Johnny’s father just comes home from a long business trip. He finds Little Johnny riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. He asks Little Johnny, “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.”

“Easy, Dad…,” Little Johnny replies. “I earned it from hiking.”

“Come on,” his father says. “Tell me the truth.”

“That is the truth,” insists Little Johnny. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike.”

Trial date:
3 pigs are brought before a judge, and are sworn in.
The judge asks the first pig…
“Why are you in trouble?”
The first pig replies,
“I was just blowing bubbles in the mud.”
He asks the second pig..
“Why are you in trouble?”
The second pig replies,
“I was just blowing bubbles in the mud.”
Finally, he asks the third pig…
“Why are you in trouble?”
And the third pig replies….
“Well, I’m Bubbles!”