Little Johnny Jokes

“Good morning class! Today we are learning about human organs that come in pairs,” says the teacher. “For example, our eyes are organs and we have two, now give me some more examples. Let’s start with Linda.”

“Ears!” says Linda excitedly.

“Very good,” replies the teacher. “Michael?”

“Balls,” replies Michael

The teacher is a little surprised by Michael’s crudeness, but accepts his answer.

“Yes, little Johnny?”

“The penis,” says little Johnny.

“Hey wait a minute, we only have one penis!” replies Michael.

“No,” says little Johnny. “My daddy has two, a small one which he uses to go to the potty, and a big one that mommy brushes her teeth with.”

Little Billy and Johnnie were arguing in school about who had the toughest Dad. Billy said his Dad was the toughest, but Johnnie said his Dad was tougher, cause he could eat light bulbs.

Billy said, “How do you know your Dad eats light bulbs?”

Johnnie said, “‘Cause I had to use the bathroom one night, and as I passed my mom and dad’s room, I heard Dad tell Mom…”CUT THE LIGHT OUT AND I WILL EAT IT…”

One day, Little Johnny’s dad feels real horny. But as Little Johnny is around he cannot do anything.

So, he says to Little Johnny, “Go & stand on the roof, look around & tell me what other kids are doing.”

Little Johnny complies. Meanwhile his dad starts having sex with Little Johnny’s mother.

Dad:”Little Johnny, what is Toni doing?”

Little Johnny:”Dad, she is playing with her dolls.”

D:”What is Bobby doing?”

L J:”He’s flying a kite.”

D:And what is Sam doing?”

L J:”His mother is being fucked.”

Startled, Little Johnny’s Dad asks, “How do you know ?”

L J:”Because Sam is also standing on the roof, looking around & answering stupid questions.”

After summer Little Jonnie started back to school in the third grade. The teacher told the class that it was time to talk grown-up and to stop talking baby talk. She then told the class that she wanted them to tell what they did on summer vacation.

The first student got up and said that she went to Nana’s house over the summer. The teacher told her to say grandmother’s and not Nana’s because Nana’s was baby talk and she needed to talk grown-up.

The next student said that he went on a choo choo this summer. The teacher told the student it was a train, not a choo choo. Choo choo was baby talk.

She then called on Little Jonnie to speak. Little Jonnie said he read his first book over the summer. The teacher complimented Little Jonnie on his grown-up talk and asked him what the name of the book was.

Little Jonnie said, “It was called Winnie The Shit.”

On the campaign trail, the mayor running for re-election walks up to a house of his campaign adviser and rings the doorbell. When a small boy opens the door, the mayor introduces himself, “Hello there, little boy! What’s your name?”

“Little Johnny,” replies the small boy.

“Well, Little Johnny, I’m Mayor Hoffman. I’m running for re-election. Can I speak to your father?”

“He’s in the shower right now,” answers Little Johnny with a giggle.

“Oh! Well, is your mother in the house too?” asks Mayor Hoffman.

“Yes, she is. But she’s in the shower with my daddy,” replies Little Johnny with a snicker.

“Oh I see,” says Mayor Hoffman who pauses a moment thinking of what to say next. Then he smiles and says, “Little Johnny, can you go see if they are through now? I would like to speak to either one of them. It’s important.”

“I don’t think so,” replies Little Johnny with a big laugh.

Surprised to see the boy laughing heartily, the perplexed mayor demands, “What’s so funny, son? Is there something wrong with your parents?”

“Well, when my daddy asked for the Vaseline while they’re in the shower, I handed him the Super Glue.”