Little Johnny Jokes

Mrs. Smith, a third grade teacher wanted the
class to play a game where one student starts
drawing on the board, then one by one others add to it.

She decides not to start with Johnny,
because he is so naughty and always has some “unusual” picture in mind.

So she starts with Jane.
Jane: “This is our House”

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The teacher: “Good, Jane!” and asks Peter to draw next:

Peter: “This is our House door”

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The teacher: “Very good, Peter” and calls Mary:

Mary: “This is our house roof”

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The teacher: “Very nice, Mary” and calls on Stevie:

Stevie: “And this is the sun over the house.”

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The teacher: “very nice, Stevie” and thinks, there is
not much damage that Johnny can do with this picture and asks Johnny to come to the board.

Johnny: “And this is my dad, trying to pick up the
soap when he dropped it in the shower.
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The class was playing a spelling game when the teacher asked for a word beginning with ‘A’.
Johnny shot his arm into the air and blurted out ‘Asshole’.

The teacher warned Johnny not to use such language again.

She then asked for a word starting with ‘B’. Again Johnny shocked the class as he exclaimed ‘Bastard, miss.’

The teacher suitably repremanded Johnny and continued on.

She decided to skip ‘C’ as she could imagine what Johnny would say.

‘D’ was next on the list and when Johnny shot out with ‘Dwarf’ the teacher was very surprised.
She was so impressed that he refrained from expletives, she asked for him to explain to the class what a dwarf is.

He proudly stood up in front of the class and said, “A short little fucker around so high.”

On his way home from school, Little Johnny always passed by a street corner where a group of prostitutes would be standing around. These streetwalkers would smile and wave their pinkies at Little Johnny while greeting him, “Hello there, cute little boy!” This went on for several days until Little Johnny decided to confront the prostitutes. He asked, “Why do you keep waving your pinkies at me?”

The prostitutes laughed out loud and one of them said, “Oh, we were just referring to the size of your dick! But we are just having fun!” Another one concurred, “Just joking!”

“Oh I see,” said Little Johnny. As he walked away from the group, he then stopped, turned around and placed both his hands into his mouth stretching it as wide as possible. Then Little Johnny said, “See ya tomorrow, ladies!”

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day while the teacher had asked the kids whenever she gives a letter from A-Z use a word that starts with that letter then use it in a sentence.

The teacher goes ahead with her lesson and Starts out with “A” well Johnny was the first one to raise his hand, but the teacher thinks to herself she had better not, because she knows how Johnny is. So instead she picks Sandra. Sandra replies, “A as in Apple. An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.”

The teacher says, “Good job, Sandra!” and moves on with the letter “B”. Again Johnny is the first one to raise his hand, grunting, and wiggling in his chair. But again the teacher knows how Johnny is so she calls on another little boy named Tommy. Tommy pauses a moment then says, “B is for Breakfast. Breakfast is my favorite meal.” The teacher says good job then moves on to the next letter.

So this keeps going on the teacher gets to the letter “W”, but this time Johnny is the only one with his hand up. The teacher thinks to herself that he could not possibly do any harm with this letter so she gives Johnny the go ahead.

Little Johnny replies, “W is for Woom.” The teacher repeats, “Womb as in a mother’s womb?”

Little Johnny exclaims, “NO! Woom as in 2 Elephants Fucking — WOOM!!! WOOM!!!”

Bad ass Johnny was pushing his wagon up a hill, he was having a difficult time, and because of this he was cursing and swearing all the way up the hill.

A Priest met him half way up and said, “Don’t swear, Jesus can hear you.” So Bad ass Johnny decided he was going to be a smart ass and said, “Is Jesus in the trees?” and the priest replied, “Yes, He can hear you.” Then Bad ass Johnny asked, “Is Jesus in the hill?” and the priest replied “Yes, He can hear you.”

And Johnny finally asked, “Is Jesus in my wagon?” and the priest replied, “Yes, He can hear you.”

Then Bad ass Johnny finally said, “Then tell him to get the fuck out and start pushing!”