Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North
America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
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Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Little Johnny: No, I’m Little Johnny.
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Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid
mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.
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Teacher: Didn’t you promise to behave?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you
didn’t?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise,
you don’t have to keep yours.
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Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for
something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Little Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Little Johnny: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Little Johnny: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go
Slow. “That’s what I did.
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Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s
paper.
Little Johnny: I hope you didn’t either.
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Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say
about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be
cheating.
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Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
Little Johnny: I is…
Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say “I am.”
Little Johnny: All right. “I am the ninth letter of
the alphabet.”
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In school, Little Johnny was told by his classmate that every adult had a dark deep secret and it was easy to blackmail them by just saying, “I know the whole truth.” So, when Little Johnny got home after school, he went straight to his mother and told her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother turned pale and gave Little Johnny $20.00 telling him not to tell his father. Pleased with his new caper, Little Johnny waited for his father to come home from work. When his father came home, Little Johnny told him, “I know the whole truth.” His father quickly took $50.00 from his wallet and gave this to Little Johnny telling him not to tell his mother. Little Johnny was doubly pleased.

The next day, as Little Johnny was leaving for school, he saw the mailman stuffing letters into the mailbox. He then approached the mailman and told him, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman dropped his mailbag, became teary-eyed, opened his arms and said, “Come give your DADDY a big hug, my son!”

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his father, “Pa, what’s screwin’?”

“Ma! Get out here! Jr. wants to know what screwin’ is.” So she gets undressed and sprawls out on the bed. The father turns to Johnny and says, “See that there hole between your
mom’s legs? Watch this!”

So they go at it and Little Johnny’s sister walks in.

“Johnny, what are they doin’?”

“Them’s screwin’.” Johnny said. “What’s screwin’ Johnny?” she asked. “Well,” said Johnny,

“See that there hole between Dad’s legs? Watch this!”

During recess, Little Johnny was seen crying in the corner of the classroom. So his teacher Mrs. Smith approached Little Johnny to ask why he was crying.

Between sobs, Little Johnny said, “Billy hitted me in the head!”

Being a teacher, Mrs. Smith could not resist correcting Little Johnny’s grammar. So she said, “Billy hit me in the head.”

Little Johnny then stopped crying and smiled as he said, “You too? Boy, that Billy is in BIG trouble now!”

Little Timmy went to his grandparent’s house to visit for the weekend. Little Timmy went outside to find his grandpa smoking a cigar on the porch. The boy asked, “Can I have a cigar?” The Grandpa replied “does your dick touch your ass?” The boy answered “No.” so the Grandpa said, “Well then you can’t have a cigar!”

Later that day, Little Timmy went and found his Grandpa drinking a beer… the boy asked, “Can I have a beer?” The Grandpa answered, “Does your dick touch your ass?” the boy answered, “No.” so the Grandpa said, “Well then you can’t have a beer!”

The next day, Little Timmy came outside with a BIG plate of cookies… the Grandpa asked, “Can I have a cookie?” Little Timmy replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” The Grandpa said, “Well, yes!” and with that, the boy said, “Well then go fuck yourself, cause these are my cookies!”