Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny walked into a grocery store and selected a large box of laundry detergent and took it to the counter.

The clerk said, “You must have a large load of clothes to wash.”

“Oh no,” said Johnny, “I’m going to give my dog a bath.”

“I don’t think that is the right soap to use to bathe your dog,” said the clerk.

“It’ll do,” said Johnny, as he paid the clerk and walked out.

A few days later Johnny goes back to the store to buy some candy.

“How’s your dog?” the clerk asked.

“He died”, said Johnny.

“I told you that soap wasn’t right for your dog,” replied the clerk.

“The soap was fine,” said Johnny, “but I think the spin cycle killed him.”

Wednesday morning, Little Johnny comes into class late.

The teacher called him to her desk and said, “Johnny, This is the third time you’ve been tardy this week.”

Thinking of a punishment she says, “I want you to make a sentence out of these three words: defense, deduct, and detail.”

So at recess Johnny comes back into the room and tells her that he’s done.

He recites it to her: “De head of de duck goes over de fence before de tail.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, Mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a pee!!”

The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’

Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

Elizabeth Taylor walks into her plastic surgeons office one day and says to him, “Over the years I have had my boobs done, my butt done and my face done. Now I would like to have down below done.” So her doctor says, “sure, that’s no problem.”
Elizabeth replies “ but there’s just one thing…I ask of you and that is to keep this a secret from everyone. I am tired of the press and the public knowing about every little thing I have done.”
So her doctor says, “that’s no problem.”
The next week comes around and Elizabeth is waking up from her surgery. To her shock she sees three bunches of flowers sitting on the table next to her. Her doctor comes in and she starts yelling because she assumes that the flowers came from the press and her fans.
Her doctor calms her down and said.” you misunderstood. The first set of flowers is from me. I would just like to thank you for all the work you have given me through out the years. The second bunch of flowers is from the nurses because they have gotten to know you over the years, and wish you a good recovery. And the third bunch of flowers is from little Johnny down the hall who would like to thank you for his new set of ears!”