Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”

Without even taking a moment to think about it,Johnny replies, “In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie.”

Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance… Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.”

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr.Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says “Well,we’ve been lucky so far….”

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.

“Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”

“I’m in love,” replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, “With whom?”

“With you!” he said.

“But Little Johnny,” said the teacher gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? Sure I’d like a husband of my own someday… but I don’t want a child.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Little Johnny reassuringly, “I’ll
use a rubber!”

This voluptuous young blonde owns a small hairy dog that goes by the name of Titswiggle. She adores the dog so much that she treats it as one of the family.

One day, after coming home from work, she discovers her beloved dog has run away from home. Frantically she goes around the neighborhood searching every nook and cranny and calling out her dog’s name. She is so desperate that she resorts to knocking on the doors of her neighbors’ homes to ask if they have seen her missing dog. All to no avail until she knocks on the door of the house where Little Johnny lives.

When asked if he has seen her dog of which she gives a detailed description, Little Johnny tells her that he may have seen a stray dog matching the missing dog’s description just this morning.

The blonde becomes so excited by Little Johnny’s revelation that she exclaims, “So you have seen my Titswiggle !”

“Well, ma’am, I haven’t seen those tits of yours do that yet but if you don’t mind, can that be my reward instead?”

Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class if they had ever heard the word “contagious” before.

Little Susie put up her hand and proceded to tell the class that when somebody has the chicken pox they are contagious. Her mummy said so.

Next was little Robert. He told the class that contagious was when somebody has got the measles.

Then little Johnny stood up to set them all right. “You’re both wrong. The other day I was sitting on the porch with my old man and the neighbour was painting his house with a really small paint brush. My dad said, “That’s going take that CUNT AGES.”

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put up their hands if they knew the correct sound.

“Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked.
Cindie put her hand up and said “Moooo!”

“Very good,” replied the teacher, “What sound do sheep make?”
“Baaa,” answered Jimmy

She continues like this for a while.
Then she asked, “What sound does a pig make?”

All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response.

She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class.

He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed,
“Up against the wall mutha-fucka!!!”