Little Johnny Jokes

A young boy is riding his new bike down the street on Christmas morning. A polieman on a horse says to the boy, “Did Santa bring you that bike?” The boy says,”Yes he did.” the officer then pulls out a ticket and says to the boy, ” Next time tell Santa to put reflectors on that bike.” He then gives the boy the ticket. The boy asks the cop, “Did santa bring you that horse?” going along with the child the officer replies, ” Yes he did.” The boy then says, “Next time tell santa to put the dick under the horse instead of on top.”

Little Johnny says:

“But Mummy I don’t want to run around in circles anymore!”

Mummy says:

“Shut-up! Or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!”

Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME; then tells his buddy Roy to get his red wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Johnny’s front yard, waiting for business.

Kathy, across the street, is not to be outdone: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL; tells Nellie to get her red wagon and both sit in Kathy’s yard.

Johnny’s pissed…how dare that GIRL? Then, a flash…and Johnny hauls Roy across the street & says, “Let’s get some laughs.”

“Say, Kathy, you move ANYTHING?”

“Give me a nickel and I’ll prove it to you.”

“Roy, give me your nickel!” He takes it and hands it to Kathy.

“What you want moved, boy?”

“Move my BOWELS!” (Johnny starts laughing.)

Kathy thinks for a few seconds and turns to her girlfriend.

“Nellie, hold this nickel while I beat the shit out of this kid.”

A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “Little boy, is your mother home?”

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What the hell do you think?”

Johnny was in class and the teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?”

Johnny raised his hand and said, “That would be motherfuckin’ 4.”

The teacher said, “Johnny you can’t use that kind of language in class!” and Johnny said, “Why motherfuckin’ not?”

The teacher call Johnny’s parents that evening and asked them to come to school to discuss this matter. The next day Johnny’s parents came to school and the teacher told them about Johnny’s behavior and that everytime she calls on him he uses foul language. She asked his parents, “What do you think of that?”

Johnny’s mother turned to the teacher and said, “Fuck him, don’t call on him then.”