Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peaks in and catches his folks in the act. Before daddy can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, “Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride your back?” Daddy, relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees…

Johnny hops on daddy and starts going to town… pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.. Johnny cries out, “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!!”

Little Johnny’s next door neighbors had recently had a baby. Due to complications, the baby was born without ears. Little Johnny’s parents decided to go and see the new baby one day. Johnny’s father explained to him about the baby and told Johnny not to make the slightest hint about the baby’s ears. Johnny agreed and said that he would be on his best behavior and say nothing about the baby’s ears.

Johnny and his family went to the baby’s house and were invited in by the baby’s parents. They went in and sat down and Johnny started to talk to the baby’s mother.

“He’s a beautiful baby” Johnny said. “He has such pretty eyes. Did the doctor say he could see fine?”

“Yes, he has 20/20 vision” the mother replied.

“Well that’s a damn good thing” Johnny said, “because he sure as hell can’t wear glasses!”

Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had plenty of time to eat a good breakfast and get ready on the first day, his mother woke everybody up early–so early that it was still dark.

After looking outside, Little Johnny went down the hall and found his mother dressing in the bedroom.
He looked so troubled that his mother asked, “What’s wrong?” mustering as much cheerfulness into her voice as she could at that hour. “This is your big day!”

Little Johnny blurted out, “You didn’t tell me I was going to night school.”

One day, Little Johnny was home from school earlier than usual. Without a word, he handed his mother a note from the school principal. In the note, the principal wrote, “We are sending Johnny home early to prevent disrupting the class. Please educate him on the difference between male and female.” After reading the note, Little Johnny’s mother took him silently to her bedroom upstairs.

When they were in the bedroom, Little Johnny’s mother said to him, “Little Johnny, take off my shoes.” Little Johnny took off her shoes.

Then she said, “Little Johnny, unbutton my blouse.” Little Johnny took off her blouse.

Then she said, “Little Johnny, take off my skirt.” Little Johnny pulled off her skirt.

Then she said, “Little Johnny, unstrap my bra.” Little Johnny took off her bra.

Then she said, “Little Johnny, pull off my panties.” Little Johnny did what he was told.

Then his mother said sternly, “Little Johnny, don’t you ever ever wear my clothes again!”

One Sunday at church, as little Johnny was leaving, the preacher heard him say a curse word. The preacher stopped him and said “Son, every time I hear you say a curse word, it sends chills down my spine.”

“Well,” Little Johnny replied, “If you had been at my house yesterday when daddy slammed his finger in the door, you would be frozen!”