Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

“Why?” asks the father.

“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6′.”

“But that’s right!”

“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”

“What’s the fucking difference?”

“That’s exactly what I said.”

Little Johnny was walking past his mother’s bedroom one day. He looked in. She was rubbing her chest, and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.”

The next day, Johnny walked by his mother’s room again, and again, she was rubbing her chest and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.”

The day after that, Johnny walked by his mother’s room, and she was in there with a man! Excitedly, Johnny ran to his room, started rubbing his chest, and saying, “I need a bicycle, I need a bicycle.”

One day a third grade teacher was giving a guessing test to her students. She told them to close their eyes, while she put an item of food in their mouth.

She told Bobby to close his eyes and open his mouth. She put an orange slice in his mouth and said, “Tell me what it is.” Bobby said an orange slice. She said, “You win.”

She told Jane to do the same and she put a Hershey’s kiss in her mouth and told her to guess, but she could not.

She said, “I will give you a hint: It is what Mommy gives Daddy each night.”

Johnny yell from the back of the room.
“Spit it out, Jane! It’s a piece of ass!”

Once there was a bellhop named Joe. and one day, three newlywed couples came to stay for a while.

The first couple walked in, and Joe noticed that the wife was a nurse. He thought, “Wow, what a lucky guy. Nurses are supposed to be really pretty. I think I’ll stay up late and eavesdrop on their room.”

Then the next couple came in, and Joe noticed the wife was a telephone operator. He thought, “Wow, what a lucky guy. Telephone operators have sexy voices. I think I’ll stay up late and eavesdrop on their room.”

The next couple came in, and Joe noticed the wife was a teacher. He thought, “I feel sorry for him, married to a teacher. I bet they won’t have any fun.”

Well, Joe’s boss told him to leave and come back for breakfast serving. The next morning, he waited for the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast. The phone rang, and he answered, and it was the nurse’s husband requesting breakfast. He went to their room, knocked on the door. When the door opened, the man was in his pressed pajamas and his hair was perfect. He said, “What happened?”

“Oh, it was terrible. All I heard was, ‘You’re unsanitary, you’re unsanitary.’” And he went downstairs.

The phone rang, and he answered, and it was the operator’s husband requesting breakfast. He went to their room, knocked on the door. When the door opened, the man was in his pressed pajamas and his hair was perfect. He said, “What happened?”

“Oh, it was terrible. All I heard was, ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.’” And he went downstairs.

He waited and waited for the phone to ring, and it did around 4 o’clock in the afternoon. He answered and it was the teacher’s husband requesting breakfast. He went to their room, knocked on the door. When the door opened, the man was in his boxers and had scratch marks on his chest and back. Joe said, “What happened?”

“Oh, it was GREAT! All I heard was ‘We’re doing this and we’re going to keep on doing this until you get it right!’”

Finding Little Johnny making faces at the other kids on the school playground, his teacher stopped to gently reprove him. Smiling sweetly, she said, “When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that.”

Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well you can’t say you weren’t warned.”