Man and Woman Jokes

Q.What do you do if your wife is standing next to your couch?

A.Take her back to the kitchen and shorten the chain.

Two guys are sitting at a bar drinking beers, and eating peanuts.

One guy turns to the other and says, “You want to play bar football?” The other guy replies, “Sure I’m up for it, but how do you play?”

“Well what you do is this. First you eat a handful of peanuts and chug down a beer to score a touchdown, and then you have to pull down your pants bend over and fart for the extra point. Each of us takes turns until we have a winner.”

The other guy agrees to the rules, and they begin play.

The first guy eats a handful of peanuts, chugs a beer, and yells out, “TOUCHDOWN!” He then drops his pants bends over and farts, proclaiming, “The extra point is good!”

So the second guy grabs his handful of peanuts, eats them, and then chugs a beer. He too yells out, “TOUCHDOWN!!!” He then drops his pants and bends over to fart.

The other guy runs up behind him and sticks his dick in his ass and starts yelling, “Block That Kick, Block That Kick!”

At the card shop, a woman was spending a long time looking at the cards and shaking her head each time, muttering, “No.”

A clerk finally came over and asked, “And how may I help you?”

“I just don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

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and the Number One Thing Men Know About Women

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Why is PMS called PMS?

Because mad cow disease has been taken.