Man and Woman Jokes

A little boy accidentally walks into the bathroom and sees his mother naked.

The little boy in awe says, “Mommy, what is that?!”

His mother replied with, “Ahh, it’s my black sponge…now, go outside and play.”

The next day, the little boy once again walked into the bathroom and saw his mother naked.

The little boy asked, “Mommy, what happened to your black sponge?”

The mother replied, “I lost it…now, go outside and play.”

The next day, the little boy came running into the house yelling and screaming.

His mother asked him what was wrong…The little boy said that he found her black sponge.

His mother replied, “Well, where is it?!”

The little boy answered, “The neighbor lady is using it to wash dad’s face!”

The following was a bumper sticker I saw:

“HUSBAND AND DOG MISSING…
REWARD FOR DOG”

A man walks up to an attractive woman at a bar.

“Do you want to dance?” asks the man.

“I don’t care much for this song, and wouldn’t be caught dead dancing with you anyway” snips the woman.

“Oh, excuse me, you must have misunderstood — I said you look FAT in those pants!!”

An old man and his hard-of-hearing wife were traveling through the south when they stopped at a gas station to refuel.

The attendant asked, “How much, sir?” and the old man told him to fill it up. Immediately the old woman piped up, “What did he say?” and the old man shouted that he’d told him to fill up the tank.

The attendant then asked if he needed the oil checked and the old man replied that it was fine. Once again the old lady said, “What did he say?” and once again the old man shouted the explanation. While the tank was filling the attendant asked were the couple was from.

The old man said, “Newberry, Michigan … it’s a small town so you’ve probably never heard of it.” The attendant replied, “Why sure I know where that is, I went snowmobiling there last winter. As a matter of fact, worst piece of ass I ever got in my life was there.” Once again the old woman piped up, “What did he say?”

Old man replied, “HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU, DEAR!”

3 blondes found a bottle and rubbed it.Out popped a genie & said he would grant each of them a wish.

The first blonde says, “I want to be smart.”

So the genie turned her into a brunette.

The second blonde says, “I want to be smarter than her.”

So he turns her into a redhead.

The third blonde looks confused and says, “But I want to be even dumber than I already am.”

So the genie turns her into a man.