Man and Woman Jokes

So there is this rich woman who lives in a large mansion.

One day she comes upon the butler and says, “Butler, take off my blouse.” With trembling hands, he takes off her blouse.

Next she says, “Butler, take off my skirt.”

Shaking violently now, he takes off her skirt.

Then she says, “Take off my bra.”

He eases off her bra, still trembling.

Then she says, “Butler, take off my panties.”

Then the rich woman says “And if I ever find you wearing my clothes again, you’re fired!”

Q. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Twenty!… One to change the light bulb and nineteen to form a support group!!!

What do men and pantyhose have in common?

–> They either run, cling, or don’t fit well in the crotch.

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?” The other guy says, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with
the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, ‘I’d like two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said, ‘I’d like two pickets to
Tittsburgh’……….. so she socked me a good one.”

The first guy replied, “Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue
twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.’ But I accidentally said, ‘You ruined my
life you evil, self-centered,
fat-assed, bitch.’”

A burly, muscular rancher returned home a day earlier from his trip to the city to deliver a herd of cattle. When he entered the bedroom, the rancher found his wife naked in bed getting it on with his ranch foreman. Angrily, the rancher grabbed his foreman by the neck and proceeded to choke him until the foreman lost consciousness.

When the foreman came to after being splashed in the face with water, he found himself in the barn all tied up to a post stark naked. What’s more, a tube from the mechanical milking machine was attached to his penis. Seeing the foreman already wide awake, the rancher switched on the milking machine. The foreman felt like he was being given a handjob as the tube alternately pulled and squeezed his penis. However, after he had ejaculated, the tube still continued to squeeze and pull the foreman’s penis. The foreman screamed at the rancher, “When will this stop?”

Pointing at a one-gallon container connected to the milking machine, the rancher said, “Not until you filled that up!”