Man and Woman Jokes

One night Little Jimmy couldn’t sleep, so he goes and walks to his parents room. The door was opened up a crack. Little Jimmy looks in and sees his mother on top of the father bouncing up and down. So Little Jimmy, thinking they were busy, he went back to his bed and went to sleep.

The next morning, Little Jimmy asks his mother why she was bouncing up and down on Daddy. Suprised of what her son had said, the mother replies, “Ah, well your father is fat, so I thought I’d bounce on him, so he can lose some weight!”

Then Little Jimmy replies, “I don’t know why you do that for.” The mother asks, “Why!!!?”

Little Jimmy says, “Well because, every time you leave for work, the lady next door comes and blows him back up.”

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?

Nobody knows, it’s never been done!

Ten Things Whipped Guys Do

10. Asks if there is anything more he can do for her
(wihout sarcasm).

9. Goes to the store to get stuff for her and likes it.

8. Leaves fresh towels in the bathroom.

7. Actually listens to her problems and will turn off the tv to do so.

6. Gives a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore.

5. Gives her a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore.

4. Gives her a backrub anyways.

3. Watches movies like “Little Women” and “Steel Magnolias” without hesitation or complaint.

2. Asks her how her day was (everyday).

1. Always puts the toilet seat back down!

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede thier
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “inlaws.”

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes” or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!”).

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion are the followings:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons are the followings:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had
waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.