Man and Woman Jokes

Q. If 2 queers and 2 lesbians got in a race who would win??

A. The lesbians because they’re done licky split while the queers are still packing their shit.

This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women.

Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five friends who are equally frustrated, then bundle up your husband or boyfriend, and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,887 men…one of them is bound to be a heck of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break the chain. One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back.

At this writing, a friend of mine already received 184 men. She was buried yesterday, but it took three undertakers 86 hours to get the smile off her face, and two days to get her legs together so they could close the coffin.

Other male friends of mine have encouraged me to hurry up and send this letter along so their name can move up faster!

At the 1998 World Women’s Conference the first speaker from England stood up and said, “At last years’ conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.

Well, after the conference I went home
and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.

“After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.”

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America stood and spoke, “After last years’ conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.

“After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well.”

The crowd cheered again.

The third speaker from Ireland narrated: “After last years’ conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself.

“After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye.”

1. A guitar has a volume knob.

2. If you break a guitar’s G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one.

3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want to.

4. You can unplug a guitar.

5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining.

6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset.

7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested.

8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care.

9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.

10. If your guitar doesn’t make sounds you like, you can return it.

11. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar.

12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set.

13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking.

14. If you scratch a guitar’s back, it’s unintentional, not required.

15. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free.

16. It’s good to have a guitar that’s stretched out.

17. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.

18. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.

19. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering.

20. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.

21. A guitar doesn’t take half of everything you own when you sell it.

One day in The Garden Of Eden, Eve was playing near the ocean and accidentally fell in. A loud deep voice was heard from above exclaiming, “Damn! Now I’ll never get the smell out!”