Man and Woman Jokes

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
your lazy butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp.
If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

If you thump her, it’s wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it’s self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert.
If you don’t, you’re gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist.
If you don’t, you’re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you’re over sexed.
If you don’t, there must be someone else.

What is the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A slut will fuck everyone. A bitch will fuck everyone but you.

A man walks into a bar and orders a Triple Vodka. The bartender says, “you musta had a bad day.” The man says, “yeah, I just found out my younger brother is gay.”

The man walks into the bar the next day and orders a Triple Vodka again. The bartender says, “Wow, another bad day.” The man says, “Yeah, I just found out my older brother is gay!”

The same man walks into the bar and orders another Triple Vodka. The bartender says, “Damn, does anybody in your family like women?” The man replies, “Yeah, my wife.”

It was this old couple’s aniversary. The old man was in bed reading the newspaper when his wife said, “How do you like my suit?”

Her husband replies, “What suit?”

She says, “My EVE suit!”

He looks at her and says, “I think you forgot to iron it, it’s wrinkled.”

why shouldn’t women drive?

Because there is no road between the kitchen and bedroom!