Man and Woman Jokes

Jane entered the kitchen one morning, reached to turn on
the light, and it didn’t work.
After replacing the bulb, still no light. When John, her
husband, came home, she said “Honey, the light switch is
broken. Could you fix it for me please?
To which John replied while displaying proudly the front
of his TShirt, “Do you see ‘Electrician’ written on the
front of this shirt?” Jane said nothing.

Next day John came home and Jane said, “Honey, the
cabinet door fell off today. Could you put it back on for
me please?” To which John, of course, replied, “Do you
see ‘Carpenter’ written anywhere on the front of this
shirt?”

Next day John came home and Jane said, “Honey, the
water pipe under the sink is leaking. Could you fix it for
me please?” Right! John replied, “Do you see ‘plumber’
written anywhere on the front of this shirt?”

Next day John came home and the light switch was
working, the cabinet door had been replaced, and the
pipe wasn’t leaking. John said, “I see you found some
good repairmen”. To which Jane replied, “No, I just
called the neighbor next door.” John asked, “Oh really?
And how much did he charge?”

Jane laughed and said, “He didn’t charge anything. He
said I could just bake him some “goodies” or we could
trade it out in sex.” To which, of course, John asked,
“Well, what kind of “goodies” did you bake for him?”

And Jane said proudly while displaying the front of her
shirt, “Honey,do you see Betty Crocker written on here
anywhere?”

Why do men get in more wrecks?

Men are smart enough to not let women drive.

This elderly couple, that lived in Ohio, was driving back from Alabama where they were on vacation. The wife is hard of hearing. But on there way they got stop for speeding in Kentucky. Well the cop comes to the window and says “Sir do you know you were speeding” and the wife asks ” WHAT DID HE SAY?” the husband replies “He said we were speeding” the wife says “oh” The cop looks at the man drivers license and says “Oh you’re from Ohio” and the wife says “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “He acknowledged where we lived!” said the man. Then the cop said “I got my worst piece of ass in Ohio” and once again the woman asks “WHAT DID HE SAY?” and the man says “HE SAID HE KNOWS YOU!”

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter, then started talking
to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?”
She answered herself by saying, “I bought it with the insurance money!”

She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me?” She answered again, saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!”

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, “Irving remember that big blow job I promised you?”

She then inhaled deeply, puckered her lips and leaned forward toward the ashes….

Q: What does a woman do when she gets home from a Spousal Abuse meeting?

A: The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her!