Man and Woman Jokes

TOP TEN REASONS WHY WOMEN REJECT MEN AND WHAT THEY
REALLY MEAN

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend (who’s really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s).

5. I don’t date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s not me, it’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

….and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.)

What does P.M.S. stand for?

Putting up with Men’s Shit!

Two Lovers plan to commit Suicide. They were going to jump off of a cliff. The boy jumped first. The Girl closed her eyes before jumping then changed her mind saying Love is Blind. The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies

1. We both work and you got the check last time. Let me get it.
2. I don’t need another pair of shoes. I have a closet full of them I don’t wear now.
3. Maybe this isn’t the right time time talk about this. Let’s talk later.
4. We always talk about how I feel. How do you feel? If you don’t know, that’s OK.
5. You’re right, I’m wrong. I’m sorry.
6. I’m sorry I made such a big deal about nothing.
7. I guess if I want you to romance me I should stop compaining and nagging and shop more at Victoria Secret’s and read Penthouse Letter for ideas.
8. Women look at guys, too. We just don’t have to stare to remember. We’ll fantasize later.
9. I think I already saw this Lifetime Movie or one just like it. They’re all the same basic plot anyway.
10. There’s nothing on TV. Why don’t you flip channels for a while and see what’s on.
11. I don’t care where we eat as long as they have spicy food and beer.
12. Titanic would have been better if the guy hadn’t died at the end. What’s romantic about that?
13. I can’t find something. I had it last. That means I lost it and you didn’t move something and lose it.
14. My hormones are affecting my judgement.
15. I don’t remember the last thing you did wrong. I don’t keep track of them to use in an argument later about something completely different to win that discussion.
16. I should stop worrying about what I don’t have an appreciate you.
17. I don’t want to talk about it.
18. I can’t expect you to know something I’m hiding from you if I don’t tell you.
19. If I’m going to drop my pants and sit down without looking, I deserve to either fall in or pee on the lid.
20. I don’t want it. It’s too much money. Not buying it and saving that much money proves to me that you care more about our long term financial security than giving me an expensive emotional token.

A country club didn’t allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women’s club and became very active.

After about six months, the governing board of the club received a letter from the women’s club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.

After another six months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.

After due deliberation, they sent the women’s club a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!