Man and Woman Jokes

Eve, in the Garden of Eden, called out to the skies, “Oh Lord, I have a problem.”

And the Lord said, Whats the matter Eve?”

“I know you created me and this beautful garden,” said Eve, “but I’m lonely and I’m sick of eating apples.”

“Well, in that case,” replied the Almighty, “I will create a man for you.”

“What’s a man?” asked Eve.

“He’s a flawed creature with aggresive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to listen. But he’s big and fast and muscular. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball and hunting animals — and not bad in the sack.”

“Sounds great!” replied Eve.

“There’s one condition,” added the Lord. “You’ll have to let him believe I made him first.”

There’s this couple that call making love “doing laundry”. One morning the husband tried despartly to wake his wife to do some laundry. She replyed by saying “honey, I am so tired let me sleep just a little while longer and than we can do laundry”. A short time later she wakes up and turns to her husband, she see’s him lying there naked. Oh Honey she said, I see that your ready to do the laundry…He looked at her with a half smile and said…No thanks I already did the laundry…it was a small load so I did it by hand!

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. FAT CLOTHES.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a “peak life experience”.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

And the number on thing that only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN!

There were these two old people on a farm in some rocking chairs. They’re just rocking and all of a sudden the old guy grabbed his wife’s tit and said, “If this squirted milk we wouldn’t have to buy cows.”

She ignored him and they kept rocking and all of a sudden he grabbed her cunt and said, “If this could lay eggs we wouldn’t have buy chickens.”

And then she grabbed his dick and said, “If this got hard I wouldn’t have to screw your brother.”

why do the women have a brain cell more than cows?

so when you touch their tits, they don’t moo.