Man and Woman Jokes

After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

A guy is nagged by his wife, who is ardently supported by his mother-in-law.

They ask him for a vacation, so he goes around shopping for the cheapest offer.

The salesman offers him a vacation for two to New Zealand with two confirmed Silk Air flights, free breakfast, Bungee jumping- No strings attached.

The man asked the salesman if he could forgo other benefits for extra bungee jumping with no strings attached.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We don’t know, because it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

They all already have boyfriends.

Why did the the woman cross the road?

I don’t care, what the hell is she doing out of the house?

A group of men were in a bar talking about marriage and their wives when one of them said, “My wife’s an angel.”

The fellow across from him looked up from his beer and said, “Geez, you’re lucky! My wife’s still alive.”