Man and Woman Jokes

Why are all blonde jokes one liners?

So guys can remember them.

A husband and wife had two beautiful teen-aged daughters. They had been wanting a boy for some time, so they tried one more time for a boy. Well, nine months later, they had a healthy baby boy. The father was so excited he finally got a boy. He rushed to the nursery to see him. When he got there, he was horrified to see a ugly baby boy in there. He went to see his wife and said, “Did you cheat on me?” The wife said with a smirk, “Not this time.”

It was the year for Jack’s class reunion, and he thought he would go to see his old friend Joe. He thought that Joe would be there so he would go, too.

When Jack got there, he was looking around for Joe. He could see everybody else, but not Joe. But he did see a really beautiful woman that he didn’t know. He thought he might go over and talk to her.

When he got near the woman, she said,”Jack don’t you remember me?”

Jack said, “No, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

The woman said, “I’m Joe.”

Jack said, “Joe!? What happened. Did it hurt. Let’s go over to the table so you can tell me everything.”

So they were at the table and Jack is asking if it hurt and Joe said, “Most of it didn’t hurt. The only part that hurt was the part when they had to drill a hole in my head to take out half my brain!”

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and
kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.”

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, “Hell no! Fact is I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.”

“I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle.”

The old woman fainted.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: Slap her