Man and Woman Jokes

Men think too much as they have two heads.

Women talk too much as they have four lips.

There was a smart man, a smart woman and santa in a lift. There was a penny in the middle of the lift. Who picks it up?

The smart man because the others dont exist.

A man came home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, so he shot his wife and decided to give the dog a second chance…

An old lady was about to get married, but she had a secret she didn’t want her future husband to know.
So she decided to write a letter to a newspaper.
“Dear Shundai,” she wrote, “Bean might not marry me if he finds I have bad teeth. How can I keep my secret from him?”
In a few days, the answer appeared in the newspaper: “Keep your mouth shut”

There was this guy (we won’t mention any names) that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into his mirror, admiring his body. He noticed that he was tanned all over, with the exception of his “thing”.

He decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his “thing” which he left sticking out.

Two little old ladies were strolling on the beach. One was using a cane .Upon seeing the “thing” sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to her friend, “There is no justice in this world.” Her friend said, “What do you mean by that?” To which the old lady replied,

“Look at that……
when I was 20, I was curious about it……
when I was 30, I enjoyed it…..
when I was 40, I asked for it…..
when I was 50, I paid for it…..
when I was 60, I prayed for it…..
when I was 70, I forgot about it…..
and now that I’m 80, the damn ‘things’ are growing wild and I’m to old to squat!!!!!!!!!”