Man and Woman Jokes

John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers.

The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

John: “Say, you ARE a good sport!”

THE CREATION OF A PUSSY

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.

Last week my son came up to me and asked me the difference between potential and reality.

I told him to go to his mum and ask if she’d sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars, and then to go to his sister, and ask if she’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

He did just that. He went up to my wife and said, “Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million?” to which she replied, “You’re damn right!” and then approached my daughter with the question, and came across a similar answer.

Later that day, he came up to me and informed me he had discovered the difference.

I then asked him what it was, he replied “Potentially we’re sitting on 2 million dollars, but in reality we’re living with a couple of sluts!”

You walk up to a girl and say:

Guy: Would you like to dance?

Girl: With you? No way.

Guy: Oh you misunderstood me, I said, “My you look fat in those pants.”

Why did the woman cross the road ?

Who cares, she shouldn’t have been out of the house anyway.