Man and Woman Jokes

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: A bunch! Men will screw anything!

Adam was getting a little lonely in the Garden of Eden, so God came to him and said that he would make him a partner. Adam, being somewhat skeptical, asked what the partner would do for him.

God said that the partner would make him happy when he was sad and raise his spirits when he was down. The partner would clean for him, cook for him, provide him with children, and do many things to make life more fulfilling.

Adam then inquired as to what it would cost him.

“Ah!” said God. “It will cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam said that he didn’t look forward to losing an arm and a leg, but what could he get for a rib?

The rest is History.

Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates, Gabriel tells him, “You’ve been such a good guy and your invention of the assembly line changed the lives of many people. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang out with God.” The be-feathered fellow at the Pearly Gates takes him to the throne room and introduces him to God.

Ford then asks God, “Hey, didn’t you invent Woman?”

God says, “Yes, after I created Man“.

“Well,” says Ford, “you have some major design flaws in your invention.”

1. There is too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust.

“HMMM…” replies God, “Just a minute while I look into this.” God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results.

The computer prints our a slip of paper and God reads it.
Then he looks at his Ford and say, “Well, my invention may be flawed, but according to my computer, more men ride my invention than yours.”

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.”

The woman sits up in bed and says,”What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong???”

The doctor says, “Well, now, nothing’s wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

The woman says, “A hermaphrodite…. what’s that???”

The doctor says, “Well, it means your baby has the…er..features
…of a male and a female.”

The woman turns pale. She says, “Oh my god! You mean it has a penis…AND a brain?”

A guy in an elevator hits a woman in the breast with his elbow and says “I’m sorry, if your heart is as soft as your breast you will forgive me.” The woman replies “If the rest of you is as hard as your elbow I’m in room 222!”