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Loading ...A man went to his doctor for a check up. At the end of the appointment his doctor said, ” I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man said, “What’s the bad news?”
The doctor said, “You have 3 days to live.” Frantic, the man asked,” And what’s the good news?”
The doctor replied, “You know the receptionist with the humongous tits? I’m f*cking her.”
(8 votes, average: 4.63 out of 5) Loading ...A flat-chested blonde wanted to have her breasts enlarged but she did not want to undergo surgery. So she consulted a witch doctor who gave her a pill to swallow. After swallowing the pill, the blonde was told by the witch doctor that what she had swallowed was a magic pill. Everytime a man would say the word ‘pardon’ to her, her breasts would grow an inch bigger.
After leaving the office of the witch doctor, the blonde bumped into a male pedestrian who said, “Pardon me, ma’am.” Immediately she felt her breasts growing an inch. The blonde was ecstatic that the magic pill was working. At a busy street corner, a hurried delivery boy bumped into her and said, “Beg your pardon, miss.” Again her breasts grew an inch bigger.
Feeling the need to celebrate, the blonde walked into a Chinese restaurant to order her favorite dish. When she was walking towards an unoccupied table, a Chinese waiter accidentally bumped into the blonde. The waiter bowed several times and said, “A thousand pardons, madam!”
The next day, the headlines read, “Chinese waiter crushed by a pair of torpedoes!”
(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5) Loading ...A blonde went to the doctor with both of her ears burned. When he asked what happened she replied, “Well I was ironing my clothes when someone called and I accidentally picked up the iron instead of the phone.”
“I see,” said the doctor, “but how did you burn the other ear?”
“The creep called back!”
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...“You’re in incredibly fine condition,” the doctor concluded, after finishing a thorough physical exam. “How old did you say you were, Sir?”
“Seventy-eight.”
“Seventy-eight! Why, you have the health of a sixty-year-old. What’s your secret?”
“I guess, Doc, it’s due to a pact the wife and I made when we got married. She promised that if she was ever about to lose her temper, she’d stay in the kitchen ’til she cooled off. And I pledged that when I got angry, I’d keep quiet, too, and go outside until I calmed down.”
“I don’t understand,” said the doctor. “How could that help you stay so fit?”
“Well, the patient explained, “I guess you could say I’ve lived an outdoor life.”
(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5) Loading ...When Joe’s wife left him, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life just isn’t worth living anymore.”
“Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “Let your work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, what do you do for a living?”
“I clean out septic tanks,” Joe replied.
