Medical Jokes

Blonde newlywed

Posted in Blonde, Medical
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A week after their marriage, these newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor.

“I can’t figure it out Doctor, my testicles are turning purple!?.”

The doctor examined him and confirmed the unusual condition. He asked the wife (a blonde, of course), “Are you using the diaphragm I prescribed?”

“Yes.” she replied.

“And what kind of jelly are you using?” the doctor then asked.

“Grape.” she said.


Just Shoot Me!

Posted in Blonde, Medical
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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A blonde walks into the emergency room with a bullet embedded in her left hand.

When asked by the doctor how she got shot in the hand, the blonde confesses, “I was feeling so depressed that I decided to kill myself. So I took a gun and placed it inside my mouth. Then I changed my mind because I did not want to ruin any expensive dental work. I decided to shoot myself in the heart. But then I just had an expensive bust job and I didn’t want to ruin that too. So I placed the gun to my right ear but since the blast from the gun would be too loud, I placed my left hand over my right ear and then pulled the trigger.”


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  • Congratulations

    Posted in Medical, Wedding
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    A young couple has been married five years but Debbie has been unable to get pregnant. Then, having missed her menstrual period for a second consecutive month, she visits her doctor who examines her and gives her the good news. “Congratualtions, Debbie,” he smiles, “You’re going to have a baby.”

    On the bus going home, Debbie is so happy that she is bursting to tell somebody. She glances at the friendly-looking man sitting beside her and says “Excuse me, sir, but I just received the best news of my life. I’m going to have a baby.”

    “Congratulations”, he replies. “I have a little good news myself. I’m a farmer and my hens were laying eggs but. I wasn’t getting any chicks. But I solved that problem and now I have plenty.”

    “Oh, that’s nice” says Debbie, “How did you do it?”

    “I put a new cock in there.”

    “Gee,” smiles Debbie, “What a coincidence.”


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  • Hillbilly Medical Exam

    Posted in Medical
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    An 83-year-old Hillbilly woman was examined by her Doctor. After he was done checking her over, he complimented her on her excellent health and said, “Do you and Jake still have intercourse?”

    The lady thought a second and said, “Let me ask Jake, afore I answer.”

    She hobbles out to the waiting room and says to her hubby, “Jake, the Doc wants to know iffin we still have intercourse. Do we?”

    “No, my dear,” Jake responded, “We now have Blue Cross-Blue Shield.”


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  • Heart Condition

    Posted in Medical, Wedding
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)
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    A nervous man with a heart condition, accompanied by his nagging wife, was being examined by a doctor.

    After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a super powerful tranquilizer.

    The man asked, “How often do I take these?”

    “Once every six hours. But they’re not for you,” replied the doctor. “They’re for your wife.”


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