Medical Jokes

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

This comic is driving hundreds of miles to a gig when his car goes out of control and flips over in a fiery crash.

The comic gets thrown out across the highway where he is found by a doctor who happens along.

As the doctor tries to help, he finds a business card with the agent’s number on it.

The doctor calls the agent and says, “Yeah, I’ve got one of your comics here and he’s dying.”

The agent says, “Ahh, don’t sweat it… He’ll do fine once he gets to the puppet.”

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.”

“We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball….stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”

There was a man whose wife didn’t respond to his desires. This continued for about six months. As frustration built, he decided to see a doctor about his wife’s lack of attention toward him. The doctor gave him a bottle of pills and said, “Now, just before your wife retires, give her a cup of milk and slip a couple of these pills in it. Before you know it, she will be more than obliging.”

So he goes home, very excited! When night comes, he offers his wife a cup of milk and slips in a couple of those pills. He then says to himself, “Now why should she have all the fun?” So he pours himself a cup and puts the whole bottle into his cup. He takes both cups to his wife in bed, and they talk for a bit before drinking the milk.

After a half hour, both fall asleep. Then, his wife suddenly sits straight up in the bed, pounds her husband, and says, “Darling, Darling! Wake up! Wake up! I need a man NOW!”

The husband sits straight up, too, and shouts, “SO DO I! SO DO I!”

Two members of a country club, one a doctor, the other a lawyer, were having dinner in the lounge overlooking the golf course.

Midway through the meal, a lady who was a patient of the doctor, left her table and came over to the doctor.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner, Doctor,” said the woman, “but I’ve had a terrible headache all day.”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I can’t really say what the problem is offhand, but you should go home, take a couple of aspirin, and go to bed. If it isn’t gone in the morning, call my office for an appointment.”

The woman thanked him and went back to her table. The doctor turned to his friend, the lawyer, and said, “Do you think I should send her a bill?”

“No,” said the lawyer.

The next day, a courier brought a bill to the doctor from the lawyer.