Mexican Jokes

Why doesn’t mexico have an Olympic team?

Because all the mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are over here.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish.

Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Get lost, gringo. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.’”

Kelvin comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,

“What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Kelvin.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Kelvin overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Kelvin, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Kelvin.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Kelvin, and Kelvin crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Kelvin doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Kelvin sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN

His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK

He called everybody “brother”
He liked Gospel
He couldn’t get a fair trial

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH

He went into his father’s business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin,
and his Mother was sure he was God

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN

He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN

He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH

He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

(and now the MOST Compelling EVIDENCE:)

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN

He had to feed a crowd, at a moment’s notice, when
there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.