Office Jokes

A blonde worked as a secretary. One day, her boss saw her crying at her desk. He asked her what was wrong.

She said, “I’ve just had a phone call from my aunt, my mother is dead.”

The boss offered to let her take some days off work. she said “It’s okay, I need to stay and keep working.” The boss was sympathetic, and then went to his office.

Later on, the boss decided to check on his secretary, and found her crying again, hysterically.

When he asked her what was wrong, she replied, “I just got a call from my sister, HER mother died as well!”

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.”

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.

7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.

9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today’s environment.

10. Change the requirements declaring that “This horse is not dead.”

11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Declaring that “No horse is too dead to beat.”

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.

15. Do a Cost Analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare the horse is “better, faster and cheaper” dead.

18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.

20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent
variable.

21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Microsoft announced today that the release date for the new operating system “Windows 2000″ will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

I hope this makes sense for everyone on the need for clear and crisp communication and see the errors inherent in indirect communication.

Hope we will be better communicators after we read this.

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From : Managing Director
To : Executive Director

“Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’clock.

This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it.

To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them.

If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen.”

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From : Executive Director
To : Departmental Head

“By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’ clock tomorrow morning.

If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen.

This is something we cannot see happening everyday.”

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From : Departmental Heads
To : Sectional Heads

“By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow the disappearance of the sun in our best clothes, in the canteen at nine o’ clock tomorrow morning.

The Managing Director will tell us whether it is going to rain.

This is something which we cannot see happen everyday.”

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From : Section Heads
To : Foreman

“If it is raining in the canteen tomorrow morning, which is something that we cannot see happen everyday, the Managing director in his best clothes, will disappear at nine o’ clock.”

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From : Foreman
To : All Operators

“Tomorrow morning at nine o’ clock, the Managing Director will disappear.

It’s a pity that we can’t see this happen everyday”

A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

“Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. Touched by the sensitivity of a man with such a gruff appearance, she asked, “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “I’m their landlord,” he sobbed.