Politics Jokes

There was a big snowfall in Washington, DC. President Clinton was working in the Oval Office and decided to take a break. He walked out onto the balcony and surveyed the beautiful new fallen snow on the lawn. He looked down from the balcony and was astonished to see written in the new snow in piss: “Clinton sucks”. Well, he was very upset, not only by what it said but what it was written with and that someone could get that close to the Oval Office passed security.

He went back inside and called his security chief immediately. “What’s the meaning of this?!!?” he shouted at the security chief. “How could anyone get so near the Oval Office? I want you to use any means to find out who did this. Take DNA samples, pictures whatever it takes and report back to me in 24 hours.” The security chief left and began doing extensive testing on the snow for DNA, took hundreds of pictures, called in the CIA, FBI and top scientists.

The next day the security chief reports back to the president. “So, do you know who did this terrible act?” Clinton demanded.

“Well”, the security chief began, “after doing all that testing, I have bad news and worse news for you.”

“Give me the bad news first,” Clinton says. The security chief says “From the DNA samples taken, it was Al Gore who did it.” “What?!!??” Clinton says, “how can he do this to me? He’s been by my side through everything, he’s my friend, I trust him completely. This is truly bad news. What could be worse than this?!?”

The security chief says, “Well, the worse news is, the handwriting was Hillary’s.”

A Dallas police officer stopped a man for speeding and upon approaching the car noticed that that the man had numerous knives on the back seat. The driver responded to the officers inquiries about the knives by saying that he was a circus juggler and they were part of his routine. The officer aked for a demonstration so the juggler complied.

At the same time, George W. Bush was passing by and saw the juggling exhibition. He turned to Dick Chaney and exclaimed “I’m sure glad I quit drinking and driving. Would you look at what they’re making them do now?”

His baloney has a first name,
It’s “I-did-not-inhale.”

His baloney has a second name,
“I-wasn’t-getting-tail.”

Oh, he loves to sling it every day…
The White House people all just saaaaaay…

That Bill Clinton has-a-way
Of making bullshit sound o-kaaay.

I’m a Democrat
You’re a Republican
Let’s be friends.
I’ll hug your elephant,
while you kiss my ass.

Why Bill used a Cigar?

Monica forced him to . . . she settled for the bigger one.