Politics Jokes

Bill buys a parrot for his family in the White House one day.

So they go on a vacation and Bill tells the secret service to keep good care of it.

While away the bird dies, so the secret service go in and out of every pet shop looking for a new parrot.

One agent goes into a pet shop and sees the same exact bird. Markings and everything.

So he goes to the owner and says, “Sir, I need to buy that parrot over there.”

The owner goes, “I’m sorry I can’t sell you that parrot.”

“But I need to have that parrot, I’ll pay anything.”

“I’m sorry I can’t give you that parrot, it came from a whore house.”

“I’ll pay anything just give me that damn parrot.”

So he gets the parrot and takes it to the White House. A week later the Clintons come home.

Hillary walks into the room where the parrot is. “Ugly Bitch, ugly bitch.” Hillary looks around, “who taught you that?” The parrot doesn’t say anything.

Chelsey walks in. “Fuck you, Fuck you.” Chelsy looks around, “Who taught you that?” “Fuck you.”

Bill walks in. “HI BILL.”

Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…

President Clinton has ordered our forces to engage an entrenched, politically motivated enemy, backed by the Russians, on their home ground, in a foreign civil war, in difficult terrain, with limited military objectives, bombing restrictions, boundary and operational restrictions, queasy allies, far across the ocean, with uncertain goals, without prior consultation with Congress, the potential for escalation, while limiting the forces at his disposal, and the majority of Americans opposed to or at least uncertain about the value of the action being worth American lives.

So just what was it exactly that he was opposed to in Vietnam?

Becoming President of the United States, just think 8 billion people and I’m fucking all of them.

One day, President Clinton calls up the White House’s interior decorator and angrily complains, “My daughter Chelsea says she has the ugliest room in the White House. I want you to do something about this right now. I don’t want the little darling to be this upset.

“Yes, Mr. President, ” says the interior decorator. “I will take down all those mirrors right away.”

Q. What does Monica Lewinsky keep in her pocket?

A. A Wad of Bill’s