Politics Jokes

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.

During dinner He told them:

“I need three important people to send my message out to all people:
Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.”

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: “I have two really bad news items for you:

1) God really exists and
2) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth.”

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and
told them: “I have good news and bad news:

1) The GOOD news is that God really does exist
2) The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth.”

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: “I have two fantastic announcements:

1) I am one of the three most important people on earth
2) The Year 2000 problem is solved.”

Bill Clinton and the Pope both die on the same day. Clinton goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell.

Upon their arrivals at their respectful destinations the Pope begins to argue with Satan that there must have been a mistake.

After checking the computer the devil comes back and tells the Pope that there was a mistake and that he should get on the UP escalator as soon as a replacement can be found in heaven.

Shortly thereafter the devil instructs the Pope to board the UP escalator.

So as the Pope is riding the up escalator he passes Clinton who is on the DOWN escalator. Clinton says to the Pope, “Father I just want you to know that I am taking your place in hell.”

The Pope looks at Clinton and says, “Thank you, my son. I am so happy to be going to heaven. I cannot wait to meet God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary!”

Clinton looks at the Pope and replies, “Well Father, two out of three ain’t bad!”

Call
Lewinsky
I
Need
The
Oral
Now

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?

A: One got his head blown off in a car, the other was assassinated.

Hurricane Georges slammed into the Florida Keys recently, doing a tremendous amount of damage, which brings up the following:

Q: What do the Florida Keys and Bill Clinton’s crotch have in common?

A: BOTH are “federal disaster areas”