Politics Jokes

Isn’t it funny that Clinton got off….again.

A senior White House aide walked into the Oval Office to find all the president’s men standing around looking so worried and President Bill Clinton was not around. So the senior aide walked over to the Chief of Staff to ask what was the matter.

The Chief of Staff sighed and said, “Today’s been nothing but bad news and worse news!”

“What’s the bad news?” asked the senior aide.

“Well, both India and Pakistan exploded their tenth atomic bomb turning the Indian sub-continent into a nuclear arms race. Because of this, China now threatens that if both countries persist in their nuclear tests, this may trigger a regionwide conflict the likes of which the world has never seen before.”

“Jeez, that’s really bad news. But what could be worse than that?”

“Seems like Bill’s got his hands on some Viagra.”

Rev. Falwell sees news reports that the military allows practicing witches in the Army.

Incensed, he calls a top Pentagon general demanding that witchcraft not be tolerated in the military.

“Good Christians pray to God for this Country. For all you know, these damn witches are casting Satanic curses.”

“Sorry, Reverend…” the General replied, “we just can’t discriminate on the basis of hex!”

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

“What happened to you?” asked Bill.

“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me.”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Bill.

The driver replied, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

Early one morning Monica Lewinsky got a call from Playboy magazine. They wanted her to be in the next month’s centerfold.

“Only one catch,” they said, “you’ll have to get your love handles chopped off.”

She went to the doctor’s office and said to him, “I need these love handles chopped off so I can be in Playboy’s new centerfold.”

He said, “Right away,” and gave her some gas to put her to sleep.

Two hours later she woke up, walked to the mirror, looked up, then noticed that her ears were missing.