Politics Jokes

Word started getting out about Snow White’s mirror and people really started getting the idea of wanting to inquire of the mirror themselves.

Sleeping Beauty wanted to know if she really was the most beautiful of all.

Tom Thumb wanted to make sure he really was the smallest person. And, Quasimodo wanted to know that he was the ugliest. So they each went before the mirror.

As Sleeping Beauty was leaving she said, “Oh, I really *am* the most beautiful of all!”

As Tom Thumb left he was quite pleased to know that he is indeed the smallest of all.

As Quasimodo left, he exclaimed, “Who the heck is Janet Reno?”

Al Gore is out jogging one morning and notices a little boy on the corner with a box.

Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box, Kid?”

The little boy says, “Kittens. They’re brand new kittens.”

Al Gore laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”

“Democrats,” the child says.

“Oh, that’s cute,” Al Gore says, and he runs off.

A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy, Bill Clinton, and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.

Al says, “Look in the box, Bill, isn’t that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, Kid, tell my friend, Bill, what kind of kittens they are.”

The boy replies, “They’re Republicans.”

“Whoa!” Gore says, “I came by here the other day, and you said they were Democrats. What’s up?”

“Well,” the kid says, “Their eyes are open now.”

Hillery Clinton and St. Peter were taking a walk in heaven one day. Hillery noticed all these clocks around. She asked,”What are all these clocks for?” St. Peter replied,”For every lie someone tells, their clock advances one minute. See, over there? That is Abe Lincoln’s clock. He only told two lies in his life. His clock reads: two after twelve.” Then Hillery asked,”Where is my husbands clock, where’s Bill’s clock?” Peter replied,”That is in Jesus’s office, he uses it for a fan.

B:Bill’s
I:In
T:Trouble
C:Call
H:Hillary

Dear Sir,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government policies. I would prefer not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the futures of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422, in 1968, until this year, when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising them. If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised,which will mean about $80,000 for the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs that I will not raise, will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you pay farmers not to raise corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising corn and wheat not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the “not milking cows” business, so send me any information you have on that also.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically yours,
xxxxxx

P.S. Please notify me of what other government programs I can “not” participate in.