Politics Jokes

Q. How does one best describe Clinton?

A. An incident between two Bushes.

Why DID the chicken cross the road?

VICE PRESIDENT GORE: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH: I don’t believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road

SENATOR LIEBERMAN: I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY: Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don’t want to cross the road. They don’t need help crossing the road. In fact, I’m not interested in crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER: Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren’t ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it - the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by “cross”? Could you define “cross” please?

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and lo, there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Q: What’s the difference between JFK and President Clinton?

One got his head blown off in the back of the presidential motorcade, the other was JFK

Bill and Hillary were married for 40 years. When they first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage Hillary never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why.

That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and neverlooked into the box under our bed. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep thecans in the box?”

Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these
years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again. “Hillary was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years.”

They hugged and made their peace. A little while later
Hillary asked Bill, “Why do you have all that money in thebox?”

Bill answered, “Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in.”–

A man in D.C. was driving home and got stuck in traffic. He said to himself, “This traffic is worse than normal, we just aren’t moving at all.”

He sees a traffic cop walking down between the cars talking to the drivers, so he rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

The officer tells him, “Clinton’s lawyers have just agreed to make an out of court settlement to Paula Jones, without Clinton’s knowledge. Clinton’s just heard about it, he’s hopping mad and he is laying down in the middle of the road threatening to dowse himself with gasoline and light himself on fire, because he doesn’t have the $1.0 million dollars for Paula Jones. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him.”

The man says, “Oh, really, how much have you got so far?”

“So far,” says the cop, “about 10 gallons.”