Politics Jokes

Shaquille O’ Neal’s Mom: My Shaq could dunk at the age of 10!

Mozart’s Mom: Mozart could play piano at 5!

Monica’s Mom: We couldn’t keep a banana in the house…

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT
December 17, 1998

‘Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.

The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.

The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.

And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening’s nap.

When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.

With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!

More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

“Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let’s forget about The Vixen!
On Barney! On Maxine! I’m no Richard Nixon!!!”

“From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all !!!”

And then the Republicans heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As they scratched their heads and were turning around
The resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound.

No longer was he eating from his humble pie,
While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky.

A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq,
It looked once again like Slick Willie was back.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.

The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump - a right jolly old elf,
And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves.

And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave them to know they had something to dread.

He spoke the right words and went straight to his work
Hard to believe that an Intern once called him “The Jerk.”

And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose,
By “Wagging The Dog,” up the polls he rose.

He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle,
Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile.

They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight,
“Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night.”

10. “Read My Lips - No New Interns”

9. “Reward Me For Putting Up With Bill’s Crap For So Long”

8. “Isn’t It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different Clinton?”

7. “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask How You Can Illegally Contribute To My Campaign”

6. “Vote For Me Or My Husband Will Nail Your Wife”

5. “You Give Me A Vote, I’ll Get Vernon Jordan To Give You A Job”

4. “Still Not Indicted As Of 1999!”

3. “From Perjury To Albany”

2. “Building A Bridge To The 21st Century, And Pushing My Husband Over It”

And the NUMBER ONE Hilliary Clinton Campaign Slogan …
1. “Oh Lord, Please Don’t Make Me Go Back to Arkansas!!”

Bibi Netanyahu goes to Washington for a meeting with Bill Clinton. After dinner, Bill says to Bibi ” Well Bibi, I don’t know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all quite bright.”

“How do you know?” asks Bibi.

“Oh well, it’s simple”, says Bill. “They all have to take special tests before they can join the cabinet. Wait a second”. He calls Madeleine Albright over and says to her “Tell me Madeleine, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

“Ah, that’s simple Mr. President,” says Madeleine, “it is me!”

“Well done, Madeleine,” says Clinton and Bibi is very impressed.

Bibi returns to Israel and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in Rafael Eitan and says: “Rafael, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

Rafael thinks and thinks and doesn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it a bit further, Bibi? May I let you know tomorrow?”

“Of course,” says Bibi, “you’ve got 24 hours.”

Rafael goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team, but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Rafael is very worried, still no answer and only 4 hours to go.

Eventually Rafael says “I’ll ask Yossie Sarid, he’s clever, he’ll know the answer.”

He calls Sarid. “Yossie,” he says, “tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

“Very simple,” says Yossie Sarid, “it’s me!”

“Of course,” says Rafael and calls Bibi.

“Bibi,” says Rafael, “I’ve got the answer: it’s Yossie Sarid.”

“No, you idiot,” says Bibi, “it’s Madeleine Albright”.

Did you hear what they found out from Pres. Clinton’s DNA
testing?

He’s really a Kennedy!