Politics Jokes

Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Especially Al Gore.

The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.

When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.

Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There’s a special report,
And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H!

And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil’ troll,
With tapes for us to hear.

With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy ‘do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.

On the chair! On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest.

The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba Had gotten a hummer.

And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she’d just kept her mouth shut,
We’d not have all this trouble.

And thus set in motion,
A whole web o’ spiders,
With pundits galore,
And “White House insiders.

You ask, “Who would care
About Bill and his penis?”
Republican Ken Starr,
And he’s armed with subpoenas!

More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
“Here’s one for you!
And for you! And you, too!”

“Now Jordan! Now Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let’s subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!”

“We want you to tell us
About Bill’s private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
‘cept, of course, his wife.”

And many months later,
After long we’ve all suffered,
Let’s examine more closely
Just what Starr’s uncovered.

We’ve learned “Little Bill”
Has a mind of his own,
He likes to get blown!

A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don’t care
Just who Clinton, er, makes love to.

The economy’s great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!

Now the public’s grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To “E.R.”, and to “Friends.”

Now Monica, Linda-
And Ken Starr, you all suck-
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.

Q: What is the newest game in Washington DC???

A: Swallow the leader!!

Q: What’s the newest room in the White House?

A: The Oral Office.

A memo….

Mr. John Hinkley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Washington D.C.

Dear John,

Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our Country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.

Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.

Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best Wishes,

Bill Clinton

P.S. Ken Starr is fucking Jodie Foster

Just recently I was sitting down to dinner with my family one night and we were talking about nuclear warfare (for some reason).

So Dad told us about the man who stands behind the President and is handcuffed to a suitcase.

Dad asked me, “So what do you think is in that suitcase that could be so important?”

I said, “Condoms?!”