Politics Jokes

Q: What did Monica do at the White house?

A: Bill Clinton.

One day a conservative Presidential candidate decided that he needed more exposure in front of the farming community of the country. So, he set out on his journey across America to visit different agricultural communities.

As he was traveling down a dirt road in a small town his eyes fell upon a farmer working out in his field. He decided that this was as good a place as any to start his campaigning, and so he parked his car and went over to meet the farmer.

He introduced himself, and asked it he could present his campaign speech to the farmer.

“Sure,” said the farmer. “Would it be alright if I invited my wife and some of our friends from town to listen as well?”

“Absolutely”, replied the politician, who by now was excited at the possibility of speaking to a crowd of people.

“Is there a place from which I may address the people?” he asked.

“Well we don’t have a podium as such, seeing as this here is farm land, but I suppose you could use that manure pile over there,” the farmer replied.

The politician thought that this was somewhat un-orthodox, but not wanting to offend the farmer he agreed.

Later that evening a crowd of townfolk were gathered to hear what the politician had to say. They listened intently, and when it was finished they clapped and cheered.

Having completed his speech he thanked the people and went over to the farmer and asked, “What part of the speech do you think the people liked the best?”

“I dunno,” said the farmer. “These people don’t pay much attention to politics, but this is the first time we have ever heard a Republican speech from a Democratic Platform.”

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are sitting side by side as they are waiting for Air Force One to take off. The stewardess comes over and asks solicitously, “Can I get you a drink, Mr. President?”

Bill Clinton says cheerfully, “Why sure honey! I’ll have a martini, please. Shaken not stirred. Ha ha ha!”

The stewardess smiles back and turns to the Reverend Jackson, “And you, sir? Care for the same?”

“I’d rather be given a blowjob by a two-bit hooker than have liquor touch my lips,” declares the teetotaler reverend dourly.

Hearing that, Bill Clinton tells the stewardess, “Cancel my order, please. I didn’t know we ever have a choice on Air Force One.”

Mr Starr:
I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
And were you spied by prying eyes?

Mr Clinton:

I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join-even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!

Mr Starr:

Did you smile? Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
Did you hug and did you kiss
This young Lewinsky miss?
Did you go and make a mess?
Did you soil her brand new dress?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?

Mr. Clinton:

That is it, you’ve gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
This bad dream I want to bury,
I will tell the Grand Jury!
I will tell them what we did,
I will tell them where we hid.
I will tell them everything,
Of this hot and torrid fling!

Mr. Starr:

So you did it, you admit!
You bared your johnson to that twit.
We have the dress, we have a case
The Oval Office was the place.
Though she promised not to slip
She blabbed it all to Linda Tripp.
For your crimes of deceit,
They’ll start the process to impeach.

Mr. Clinton:

From my country, I beg of thee,
Give me trust and sympathy.
There was a moment I was weak,
Some satisfaction I did seek.
How was I to run this nation,
While Hillary took vacation.
Monica was there for me,
She’s not a model, I agree.

Mr. Starr:

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
Beg and grovel all you choose
But in the end you will lose.
For Monica I do not care,
What comes of her and that hair.
But in hist’ry I’ll go far,
For I am Starr, STAR I ARE!

One night Bill Clinton dreams he meets George Washington. He says “Washington, what can I do to make things better for the people?” Washinton says “Lower the Taxes.” Bill says “I can do that.”

The next night he dreams he meets Thomas Jefferson. He asks “Jefferson, what can I do to make things better for the people?” Jefferson answers “LOWER the TAXES!” Bill says “I’m working on that!”

On the third night he dreams he meets Abraham Lincoln. Again he asks “What can I do to make things better for the people?” Lincoln says “Go … to the theatre!”