Politics Jokes

I blame Hillary for President Bill’s indescretions. The solution to his problem was under her nose the whole time!

10. Every time you are about to be punished, you start a war with another school.

09. You don’t count an oral report as a report.

08. When you get caught without your homework, you blame it on a “vast, 4th grade conspiracy”

07. When your Mom asks if you’ve done your chores, you respond “that depends on what the meaning of the word ‘done’ is”.

06. You get expelled, and your popularity rating goes up 10%.

05. The day after Christmas, you are on the phone having Bettie Curry get back your Christmas gifts.

04. DNA on Ashley Assenmacher’s dress conclusively proves you gave her cooties.

03. You are the only kid in town who got his “Buy 300 happy meals, get one free” card stamped.

02. Little Kenny Starr’s “What I Did This Summer” was a 250 page “referral” about what you did this summer.

And the number one sign your dad is Bill Clinton…

01. Your mother is a woman with a pulse who lived in Arkansas in the 70’s or 80’s.

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I:

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI:

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VII:

You don’t have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE VIII:

You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX:

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

What’s the difference between Lee Harvey Oswald and Monica Lewinsky.

Lee Harvey only blew the President once!

TIRED of the election mess? These sites put a TWIST on the Presidential Candidates!

VERY FUNNY!!

http://gore.badassdomains.com
http://bush.badassdomains.com

Enjoy! Thanks for the laughs!!