Politics Jokes

Clinton and the Middle East

Posted in Politics
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Q: Why is President Clinton so interested in the Middle East?

A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar!


Deposition

Posted in Politics
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One day Bill Clinton had a press conferense to answer questions about him and Monica Lewinsky. One reporter stood up and asked, “Mr. President, why did you have Monica lie in deposition?”

Bill replied, “That’s a lie, I asked her to lie in da-position.”


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  • Party Switch

    Posted in Politics
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    Q: Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is considering changing to a Republican?

    A: Yea, she says that the Democrats have left a bad taste in her mouth.


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  • Lil’ Johnny on Politics

    Posted in Little Johnny, Politics
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    Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

    Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now go and think about this and see if it makes sense.”

    So the little boy goes off to bed to have a think about what dad said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs into his room only to find that his nappies are very mucky. He then runs off to his parents’ room. His mom is sound asleep, so not wanting to wake her he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the key-hole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy approaches his father and says, “Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.”

    “Good, son, now tell me in your own words what politics is.”

    Little Johnny replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the Government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”


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  • Forever punishment….

    Posted in Politics
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    Bill Clinton went to sleep at his desk one afternoon and had a strange dream. In the dream, he died and went to hell. When he gets there, Satan greets him and tells him that he will be there for all eternity, but, because of the way he behaved on earth while living, he gets to choose the type of punishment he will receive.

    Satan escorts him around and they come to a room where Newt Gingrich is stretched out on a rack, screaming in agony as the wheel is turned. Clinton says, “Nope, I don’t think I’d like that kind of punishment.” So they go on to the next room.

    There was Bob Dole, tied to a long pole and suspended over a large tub of raw sewage. He is lowered into the tank until completely submerged. After a few minutes he is lifted out of the tank, gasping and fighting for breath. As soon as he gets his breath back, he’s lowered again. “Uh-uh!” says Clinton. “That’s not for me.”

    Finally they come to a room where Kenneth Starr is hanging from the wall by his thumbs. His pants are down around his ankles, and Monica Lewinsky is performing oral sex on him. Clinton says “OK, if I have to be punished forever, I’ll go for that way.”

    Satan says, “Fine. . . that will be your punishment for the next billion years. Monica! Your replacement is here!”


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