Politics Jokes

It’s a shame that Bill has caused so many changes in the White House. The latest being that “Hail to the Chief” won’t be played anymore to honor him as President. Seems Bill prefers “Devil with a Blue Dress on.”

Hillary wanted to add some color to the White House. She decided to look at tropical birds for reasons known only to her. While shopping for the bird, she visited a local pet store which was known for its collection of tropical birds. As she was viewing the collection, she noted a vast difference in prices.

“Why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?” she
asked.

“Well, ma’am,” the manager told her, “not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse and his language is terrible.”

“Well, I want him,” she said.

“Suit yourself,” the manager shrugged.

When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, “New house, new madam.” Hillary laughed.

Soon, Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. “New house, new whores,” the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird’s history, they too, laughed at him. A few minutes later the President entered the living quarters.

The parrot looked up from his feeder and said, “Hi, Bill”.

How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the lightbulb bears within it the seeds of its own revolution.

One day, Monica Lewinsky died and went to Hell. Later that day, Clinton died and went to Hell also. He met Satan and Satan said to him, “You have three choices of eternal punishment.”

He opened up the first door and there were people walking around in the flames, screaming in pain.

Bill said, “I really don’t like that one much.”

Satan showed him what was behind another door and there were people whose heads were chopped off and put back on, and chopped off again.

Bill said, “I really don’t like that one much, either.”

Satan showed him what was behind Door #3. In the room, he saw Monica Lewinsky sucking Ken Starr’s dick. Bill said, “I’ll take it!”

Satan grinned and said, “Monica! Stop that! You’ve got a replacement!”

Three men - an Engineer, an Artist and Bill Clinton - go on safari when a huge elephant ambles out of the bush.

The Engineer looks at the animal and thinks:
“What a powerful beast, if only my employees could come up with something as efficient as that”.

The Artist thinks:
“If only we could catch him, we could make lots of beautiful things with his hide.”

And Bill Clinton thinks:
“I wonder what the elephant thinks of me!”