(2 votes, average: 2 out of 5)
Loading ...what is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, Bill clinton???
A; George washington could never tell a lie, Richard Nixon could never tell the truth, Bill Clinton can never tell the difference!!!!
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Jennifer Flowers was being interviewed by a reporter, when he asked her if she and Clinton did the same things that he and Monica had done.
Ms. Flowers looked at the reporter and said:
“Close, but no cigar!”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Bill Clinton was in the oval office, breathing a sigh of relief after being found not guilty in the Monica Lewinsky trial, when he found out he now may be found guilty in Contempt of Court in the Paula Jones case.
“Oh, God!” Bill cried, “Please have mercy on me!”
Immediately there was a bright light in the room and a voice boomed from the light.
“Bill, this is God,” the voice said, “and I will grant you any three wishes you have!”
“Well,” Bill said, as he pondered his new-found luck, “if all of the women in my life would drop charges and just forgive me, that would be nice.”
“Considered it done,” God said.
“And,” Bill went on to say, “if the Democrats were to win every seat in the House and the Senate in the next election, that would be nice too!”
“Okay. Wish granted,” God replied.
Then, thinking of what his last wish could be, Bill paused and said, “Finally, I wish for peace in the Middle East, especially in Iraq!”
“These people,” God answered hesitantly, “these decendants of both Issac and Ishmael, sons of Abraham, have been fighting for thousands of years. I don’t know if there is anything I can do. Don’t you have a wish that is a little closer to home?”
“Well, there is one thing,” Bill said as he looked at a picture of Chelsea that was on his desk. “My daughter will be going to a college dance soon where she goes to school, could you make her more attractive so that the best guys on campus will ask her out?”
After a few seconds of silence, God answered, “You know, Bill, on second thought, do you have a map of the Middle East there with you?”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Q: what do pubic hair and parsley have in common?
A: you just push them aside and keep eating.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Dan Quayle: “potatoe”
A Massachusetts politician was accused of attacking and cursing another politician during a local meeting. The first politician was quoted in the local paper, “I did not attack anyone or say a single cuss word, and anyone who says I did is a damn liar.”
Bill Clinton in 1992: “I will have the most ethical administration in the nation’s history.”
Romanian minister on homosexuality: “We can’t legalize homosexuality. Half of the country will become homosexuals.”
Bill Clinton at his 1999 State of the Union Address to Congress: “You don’t have to pass a law against taking gifts. Just stop taking them. You don’t have to have a law for everything.”
Al Gore, touring Monticallo with Clinton after the 1992 election, looking at busts of our founding fathers, “Who are these guys?”
Right-winger Ronald Reagan: “This country means freedom for religion, not freedom from it.”
Al Gore after the Bulls won another championship: “How about that Michael Jackson!”
Former Mayor Marion Barry: “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
Charles DeGaulle: “China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”
Philadelphia Phillies manager Ozark: “Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
Jason Kidd: “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”
Dan Quayle: “It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.”
Dan Quayle: “I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with all those people.”
Mariah Carey: “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
