Politics Jokes

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,” Winston Churchill.”

“Congratulations said the teacher you may go home.”

The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you…”

Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, “John F. Kennedy”. “Very good” says the teacher, “you may go.”

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, “I wish those girls would just shut up.”

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill Clinton. I’ll see you Monday.”

A deputation of concerned women came to Winston Churchill in order to protest his overconsumption of spiritous liquors. They said, “Mr. Churchill, if all the spirits you have drunk in your life were poured into this room, they would fill it to here.”

Churchill regarded the imaginary line they had traced on the wall, and his eyes then went up to the ceiling, and he sighed, “So much to do, so little done.”

Q. What do Bill Clinton and Frank Sinatra have in common?

A. They both touched people all over the world

You know you’re about to be impeached when:

* When you call to congratulate Mark MacGuire,
he lets his answering machine get it.

* Your press secretary keeps introducing you as William Milhous Clinton.

* You’re invited to appear on Jeopardy’s “Impeached Presidents Week.”

* Tipper Gore is in your office measuring it for new curtains.

* Even the nastiest intern won’t give you the time of day.

* The Library of Congress stops letting you sign out books.

* You walk into the Capitol commissary and 500 people simultaneously say, “shhhhh! He’s here!”

* Somebody changed the locks on Monica Lewinsky.

* Suddenly, everyone’s kissing Al Gore’s big cylinder block head.

* Your new Secret Service code name: “Roadkill !!!”

Mr Starr:

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?

Mr Clinton:

I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join — even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!

Mr Starr:

Did you smile?
Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?

Mr. Clinton:

That is it, you’ve gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I’ll start a war!
The public’s easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!