Politics Jokes

Bill Clinton, soon to be a “private” citizen again, wanting to get the feel of regular life again decided to take a comercial airline flight.

After the pilot made his obligatory welcome and flight information announcement, he put the microphone down but didn’t realize he had left it locked in the “send” mode.

He said to his co-pilot, “Boy, this has been one hell of a week. You know, I could really use a blow job and a cup of coffee.”

A stewardess working in the rear of the plane immediately realized that the pilot was unaware that he had left the microphone on, so she went running forward toward the cockpit to warn the pilot.

As she passed by Bill leaned over into the aisle and shouted to her, “Don’t forget his coffee!”

Three doctors, one from Russia, one from Ireland, and one from the United States, are at a doctor’s conference.

They are arguing over who has the best and most advanced medicine.

The Russian says, “We have the best medicine.

We can take out a man’s liver and have him looking for work in a month.

The Irish doctor says, “That’s nothing.

We can remove a man’s heart and have him looking for work in two weeks.”

The American says, “We’ve got all of you beat. We can take an asshole out of Arkansas, put him in the Oval Office, and have the entire country looking for work overnight.

This young man was going golfing one day, but he wasn’t very good. He had been hitting the ball in the rough, the water, and soon a sand trap. By the time he hit the sand trap he was very annoyed.

So he stood there swinging at the ball but missing and in the process digging a hole. Soon he hit something hard (not the golf ball). He bent over and dug it up to see what it was.

When he had it uncovered he found an old oil lamp. He thought to himself, and began to rub the lamp. To his surprise and delight a fat old Genie came from the lamp in a huge puff of smoke.

“Wow ten-thousand years in a lamp!! I have soo many things to do and to see!!”, exclaimed the Genie. “Now I know you want your three wishes, but I am going to be very busy, so if you write them down on a piece of paper I will get to them as soon as I can.”

The guy thought that would be fine, so he wrote down his three wishes, gave them to the Genie and went home.

A couple of weeks had passed since the encounter and the man had begun to forget about the Genie and his wishes. One day the man was at his house when the doorbell rang. There was a UPS man at the door with a very large package for him. The man signed for it and took it inside. He opened the package to find that it was a huge box of Dates and Grain cereal.

“Dates and Grain cereal, where the hell did this come from,” he wondered.

The man began looking through his things to see if he could find out where he had asked or ordered a huge box of Dates and Grain cereal. While he was looking he came across his list of wishes. He looked at the first wish, 1: A Great Dane. “No, he thought to himself. He couldn’t be that dumb.” The Genie had given him Dates and Grain cereal instead of a Great Dane.

“Oh well, anyone can make a mistake,” he thought.

About a week later the man received another package, he signed for it and then opened it. He found a Zebco fishing rod.

“What is this, when did I get one of these,” exclaimed the man. He thought about what happened last time he got a package that he didn’t know about.
“My second wish was for a fast car not something that casts far!! That damn Genie!”

The next day the man was at his home when there was a knock at his door, he opened it and there was a guy standing at the door.

“Hi my name is Blob, Joe Blob, and I will be with you every saturday night from now on!”

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below, the picture is titled “Got Milk?”

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled “Forgot milk”.

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It’s entitled “Not Milk”.

Ever wonder what it would be like if President Clinton had been born an American Indian Chief? He would most probably be known by the whole Indian tribe as “Chief Crazy Pants.” And his intern? She would most likely be some young Indian maiden named “Kneeling Fox.”