Politics Jokes

Gore and the First family were on board Air Force One, when Clinton turned to Gore and says;”You know if I throw a hundred dollar bill out the window I could make one person very happy!”

Gore just shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well I could throw 10 ten dollars bills out the window and make 10 people very happy!

Not to be left out Hilary tosses her hair-sprayed stiff hair and says; “I could throw 100 one dollar bills out the window and make a hundred people happy!

Chelsea just rolls her eyes and says to the group; “I could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole country happy!”

What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine?

They both have a slot that says, “Insert Bill Here”.

Q: What is the last thing Clinton says to an intern when he finishes an interview?

A: Careful, don’t bump your head on the desk!

On President Clinton’s trip to Africa, he took a trip to one of the less populated areas to see how the native tribespeople lived. He was escorted to a small village far from the beaten path. When he was introduced to the tribal chieftain he asked if he could speak to the villagers in order to spread the message of democracy. The chief
obliged, assembling his tribesmen and bade President Clinton to speak.

“In America,” he began, “we have a Democracy where everyone is treated equally, with no regard to one’s wealth, race or gender.” A few of the natives raised their arms and responded with a cry of “HOOZANGO!”

“In America,” he continued, “everyone loves their fellow man. We have no bigotry or hatred.” At this many of the tribespeople stood up and chanted in unison, “HOOZANGO, HOOZANGO, HOOZANGO!”

Inspired by the enthusiastic outcry President Clinton continued, “In America, with our right to vote, we can choose the most honest, ethical, and trustworthy leaders that can be found anywhere on the planet. We are assured that they will always act in our best interests!”

With that, the entire village erupted, slapping their spears on their shields, jumping in unison, and chanting, “HOOZANGO!” over and over again.

President Clinton smiled and waved, overcome with the villagers’ response. When calm had been restored, the chief continued the tour of the area. As they drove through the fields the President saw a herd of miniature cattle grazing near the roadside. He was informed that they were unique to the area, having been developed over many years by the villagers. He asked if he could take a closer look.

“Certainly,” replied the chief, “But be careful not to step in any HOOZANGO.”

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.The Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor.

“Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”

“Yep. Sure did.” the man muttered unconcernedly.

“Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?”

“Yep.”

“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.

“Nope. They’s all kilt straight out.” the farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor.

“I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”

“The President of the United States is DEAD?” The agent gulped in disbelief.

“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t, … but you know what a liar he is.”