Politics Jokes

There is one thing that can be said about Bill Clinton no matter what you believe about his actions as president of the United States.

No matter how you mean it you will always be correct when you say that Bill Clinton was the president after Bush.

Q. Why is Bill Clinton so reluctant to decide the fate of Elian Gonzalez?

A. Because last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban, he was almost impeached.

Last week, God, Jesus, the Pope, Billy Graham, Moses and his Messenger, Gabriel, had a very important meeting. They were troubled by the President of the United States” inappropriate behavior. They decided that the only viable course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across to him.

The problem they faced was how to word this new commandment so that it equaled the other commandments in style and holy inspiration. After great meditation and discussion, they concluded that Number 11 should read: “Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

You know why Gerald R. Ford became ill, shortly after leaving the Republican convention?

Being around THAT many Republicans at one time, is enough to make ANYONE sick!

And there is ONE “positive note” for George W. Bush in picking Mr. Cheney to be his running mate:

For the first time ever in his life, George W. will have a DICK….

During the glorious days of communism, to commemorate the visit of the Soviet President Andropov to Poland, the head of the Polish Communist Party commissioned a popular Warsaw artist for an oil painting celebrating the historical visit of Lenin to Poland. The piece was to be entitled “Lenin In Poland.” Now this artist hated the Poland Communist Party and therefore also detested Lenin more so but since the pay was lucrative, he decided to accept the commission. Since there was no specific instruction on how to do the oil painting, the artist decided on his own.

So, after two months of work, the oil painting was ready for its unveiling. All the top brass and apparatchiks of the Polish Communist Party were on hand for the unveiling in the assembly hall. With the artist beside him, the party boss unveiled the oil painting. Instead of wild applause, there was a collective gasp from the crowd. Even the party boss was shocked speechless. For on the painting, there was a bearded man and a fat woman locked in a passionate embrace in front of a window looking into the famous Kremlin skyline.

Finally, the party boss was able to find his voice and glaring at the smiling artist, he screamed, “The Communist Party commissioned you to paint Lenin in Poland. Instead you gave us this indecent debauchery! Who are those people? I demand an explanation!”

The artist explained, “The bearded man is Trotsky and the fat woman is Lenin’s wife.”

“But where is Lenin?” insisted the party boss.

“Lenin’s in Poland.”