Politics Jokes

One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, “My son’s choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!”

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy’s nuts, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

“Thank you! Thank you!” the father cried. “Are you a paramedic?”

“No,” replied the man. “I work for the IRS.”

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. “The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”

President Clinton frowned. “Russian roulette’s not a very friendly game.”

The African leader smiled. “That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’II show you how.”

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. “You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex,” he told Clinton

“Unreal,” Clinton said, “But it doesn’t seem much like Russian roulette.”

“Trust me!” he said. “One of them is a cannibal.”

The following company has a little over 500 employees with these statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse

*7 have been arrested for fraud

*19 have been accused of writing bad checks

*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses

*3 have been arrested for assault

*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

*8 have been arrested for shoplifting

*21 are current defendants in lawsuits

In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving.

And can you believe that we elected these 535 members of our United States Congress to crank out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line?

Sadam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of American, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a flag.”

Clinton said, “Sadam, what was on the flag?”

Sadam said, “Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah.”

Clinton said, “You know, Sadam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Bagdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt. And on every building, there was a flag.”

Sadam said, “Bill, what was on the flags?”

Clinton replied, “I really don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew!”

What did Bill Clinton say about Monica Lewinsky?

She’s the prettiest face I’ve ever come across.