Politics Jokes

President Franklin D. Roosevelt found the polite small talk of social functions at the White House somewhat tedious. He maintained that those present on such occasions rarely paid much attention to what was said to them. To illustrate the point, he would sometimes amuse himself by greeting guests with the words, “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” The response was invariably one of polite approval.

On one occasion, however, the president happened upon an attentive listener. On hearing Roosevelt’s outrageous remark, the guest replied diplomatically, “I’m sure she had it coming.”

Why did the White House name their dog Lucky?

So nobody would be running around the White House yelling, “Cum Spot! Cum Spot!”

Possible Titles for Lewinsky’s New Book:

I Suck At My Job

What Really Goes Down In The White House :

How I Blew It In Washington

You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President

Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

Going Back for Gore

Secret Services to the President

Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton

Deep Inside The Oval Office

The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions

She’s Chief of MY Staff!

Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes

Going Down and Moving Up

Me and My Big Mouth

Former President Bill Clinton and Pope John Paul II both die on the same day, and by some error, the Pope gets sent to hell, while Bill Clinton goes to heaven.

Eventually, it’s been learned that there’s been a mistake. So Clinton has to get on the down escalator going from heaven to hell, while the Pope goes on the up escalator from hell to heaven. (Of course it’s an escalator.)

Clinton sees the Pope and says, “Your Excellency, how do you feel?” The Pope says, “I am so excited. After a life of service to God, I shall finally meet the Virgin Mary.”

Clinton replies, “Oops.”

On one of the rare occasions that the Clintons were sleeping in the same bed, Hillary awoke at 2 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom.

She shook Bill vigorously until he awoke from his deep slumber, mumbling, “What. . .what. . .what?”

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Hillary says.

“Well, why in the hell did you wake me up to tell me that?”

“I want you to save my place!”