Politics Jokes

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidently tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below…

Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and dragged him to shore.

He was so thankful that he told each of them, “Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward.”

The first boy says, “I want to go to Disneyland!”

“I’ll take you there myself!!!” exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, “I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air Jordans.”

“I’ll buy them for you myself,” says Bill

” And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom speakers” the third boy says.

The president looks at the boy and says, “But son you don’t look like you are handicapped to me”

The boy says, “I’m going to be when my dad finds out that I saved you from drowning!!”

Q: Why did Bill like Paula?

A: It’s for her nose. And the reason is …..hey, don’t ask me, ask Bill.

(I don’t believe he is a gay).

Dad: Come in here, son. we need to talk.

Billy: What’s up, Dad?

Dad: There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

Billy: I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”, that I can say truthfully that I scratched the car.

Dad: Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

Billy: Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

Dad: But that cute little girl across the street told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

Billy: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mail box?

Billy: Well, you see Sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

Dade: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

Billy: No Sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

Dad: But the car did hit the mailbaox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

Billy: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

Billy: No. No, that’s not correct. Your question was “Did I scratch the car?” From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car..the mailbox did..I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of “No” when you asked “Did I scratch the car?” was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

So, Monika says, “I didn’t say that I had money!” ..I said tha I had a wad of Bill’s on me!’ “

We all know what a Birdie (1 under) and a Bogey (one over) are. Now there’s a Lewinsky. It’s when the shot lands three feet from the hole.